Halloween weekend is upon us. This year Halloween is on a Wednesday, so in a way that gives you two Halloween weekends. I'd like to give you a brief synopsis of the holiday, however at the same time I would really not like to do that.
When you're a kid, you dress up for Halloween and go trick-or-treating, which is really messed up. What kind of trick can a 7 year old play on a 45 year old man who owns his own house? If you're giving me the option of tricking me against me giving you candy, I'm not really going to buy that the first option is very feasible. The thing about life is not everything is a competition, especially when you're talking about a 7 year old against a 45 year old, so maybe we should take this at the surface for once.
Anyways, I personally never went trick-or-treating. Not once. Never even had a Halloween costume until my senior year in high school, when I went as Dan Rote. Three years have past and I haven't worn another Halloween costume since. This year, however, I am somewhat required to do it.
Now my goal for college was to get without exerting any real effort. I'm taking this philosophy into Halloweekend too, so here's a few ways to dress up for Halloween, without actually dressing up for Halloween.
- Go as the previous day's version of yourself. For example, the party I'm going to is on Saturday. One of my options was to go as "Friday Jon", which entails just wearing the same clothes on Saturday as you did on Friday. Now most of the people at the party won't be smart enough to catch on and they'll think you're just some gross dude with no sense of hygiene, so maybe make a sign to wear on your chest that says what you are, or just announce your costume aloud as soon as you walk through the door.
- Be somebody else being you. This is a really good one that doesn't require you to make girls think that you're gross. This one also requires you to wear a sign of announce your costume loudly. What I was going to do was wear a sign on my chest that says "I'm LeBron James going to a Halloween party as Jon Anderson". Nobody will understand how LeBron did such a perfect job of replicating your likeness, but half of life is about keeping people guessing anyways.
- Tell everyone that you just got out of the hospital and didn't have time to get a costume. What you say you were in the hospital for is up to you, just don't go too far with it or you'll end up ruining everybody's fun. The best part about this one is the sympathy points that come with it.
- Go as "your next boyfriend". This one's easy, just get a 3x5 notecard and write "your next boyfriend" in stencil on it. When chicks ask you why you didn't dress up, just say you did... and show them the sign. You'll also help any girls that dressed up as a Lady Bug, because their face will blush so hard it'll match the color of their costume.
- Go as a pantless version of yourself. Don't wear pants.
- Bring a tennis racket and say that you're Mardy Fish. Let's be honest, nobody knows who Mardy Fish is, so just tell everyone you already look just like him.
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